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And the Curtain Closes

13 Feb

I’ve been working on the follow-up of my memoir, “By the Way” for over a year now and had decided a long time ago that the ending of the book would be the results of last night’s pageant. After the three day experience, I’ve been reconsidering that decision.

No,my book will not end with the events of last night.

As much as I would like to delve into the experience, it is still too fresh. Emotions are still raw and I want to account the events with being able to share a life lesson. I know there are many…but to be honest…I just don’t know what they are yet. And that’s okay. I’ll  get there.

I do know the direction of my life and I know I’m on my right path. I know there is something spectacular waiting for me…I can feel it. I KNOW it. That is exciting…

Knowing the best is yet to come.

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I RUN LA!

26 Aug

I have been watching a lot of mindless television on my iPhone via iTunes lately. I watched the entire Bad Girls Season 4 episodes yesterday and now have the overwhelming urge to greet everyone I see as BITCH! and BITCHES! because that is what seems to be the new thing. However, I do not think this would go over very well in church so I may need to evaluate what it is I’m viewing. The upside is I learned a lot of new dance moves and know exactly how to bitch slap a bitch when they spill my drink on me on the dance floor.

There I go again. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.

Bad Girls Club Season 4

The Husband isn’t exactly fond of my watching such terrible reality  TV, on my iPhone no less. The whole point of getting rid of cable and the television out of the living room was to expand our minds to more intelligent brain enhancement. The thing is reality TV is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s like watching a train wreck. You cringe, you feel nauseous (sometimes you indeed throw up) you shake your head, you may even cry, but YOU HAVE TO WATCH. It’s addictive and O.M.G so freaking therapeutic. (Don’t ask me why. I haven’t gotten that far in my own therapy yet to understand.)

I told The Husband watching BGC is equivalent to reading a parenting book. Watching is actually helping me be a better parent. If anything, I know how to rear our girls in such a way that I’ll never have to worry about them being on such a show like Bad Girls Club.

Great point, right?

I thought so. Until he said, “Yeah, if that fails, at least they’ll know how to BITCH! slap a bitch when they spill their drink on them on the dance floor.”

Yeah, well, that too. Killjoy.

Holy Schmoly Pap Smear! She Was One Too!

30 May

I’m at a table with a group of bloggers. We are trying to talk, but there is a concert going on in the room and the music is loud. We are literally screaming at one another. Tired of screaming, I find myself  zoning out, mainly because I can’t hear and also I’ve ran out of things to talk about.

I know, right? Me…running out of things to talk about? Crazy, isn’t it? But it does happen.

I feel a tug on my arm and a squeal. It’s Lizzie. “JAIME! YOU MUST MEET THIS WOMAN!” I turn around and there is this tiny woman who looks at me and says shouts: “I’m Jessica. I hear we’re alike. Are you Jewish too?”

“No, she’s not Jewish,” says shouts Lizzie, “But you have a lot of common! Tell her Jaime!”

What do you say with that kind of intro? Before I can say anything, the woman, named Jessica says, “Sleep with random men back in the day? This is not apppropriate with Mormon ladies, but bear with me-  I was telling someone a story and I used the example of ‘You know how you feel when you’ve had the one night stand and the next day you were like why did I do that? And she’s all, No, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about that.’ I’m thinking Wow. Tough crowd.’ ”

We bust out laughing and Lizzie- God Bless Her, says “Jaime too! She wrote a book about it. Tell her Jaime.”

Not sure what to say shout. So I say, shout ” HEY, Yeah, Fellow Blogger, Stranger, I was a slut too! Nice to meet you!”

Yes, we  former sluts, must stick together. I’m totally thinking of creating T-shirts that say, “Former Slut With a Nice Butt” or “Whore No More.”

I think I will sell a lot. Maybe even throw in a “Team Jaime Kay” t-shirt just for kicks.