Holy Schmoly Pap Smear! She Was One Too!

30 May

I’m at a table with a group of bloggers. We are trying to talk, but there is a concert going on in the room and the music is loud. We are literally screaming at one another. Tired of screaming, I find myself  zoning out, mainly because I can’t hear and also I’ve ran out of things to talk about.

I know, right? Me…running out of things to talk about? Crazy, isn’t it? But it does happen.

I feel a tug on my arm and a squeal. It’s Lizzie. “JAIME! YOU MUST MEET THIS WOMAN!” I turn around and there is this tiny woman who looks at me and says shouts: “I’m Jessica. I hear we’re alike. Are you Jewish too?”

“No, she’s not Jewish,” says shouts Lizzie, “But you have a lot of common! Tell her Jaime!”

What do you say with that kind of intro? Before I can say anything, the woman, named Jessica says, “Sleep with random men back in the day? This is not apppropriate with Mormon ladies, but bear with me-  I was telling someone a story and I used the example of ‘You know how you feel when you’ve had the one night stand and the next day you were like why did I do that? And she’s all, No, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about that.’ I’m thinking Wow. Tough crowd.’ ”

We bust out laughing and Lizzie- God Bless Her, says “Jaime too! She wrote a book about it. Tell her Jaime.”

Not sure what to say shout. So I say, shout ” HEY, Yeah, Fellow Blogger, Stranger, I was a slut too! Nice to meet you!”

Yes, we  former sluts, must stick together. I’m totally thinking of creating T-shirts that say, “Former Slut With a Nice Butt” or “Whore No More.”

I think I will sell a lot. Maybe even throw in a “Team Jaime Kay” t-shirt just for kicks.

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5 Responses to “Holy Schmoly Pap Smear! She Was One Too!”

  1. Jessica May 30, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

    How could i possibly forget you? I was great to meet you and I’ll take one of those t-shirts.

  2. Krystle June 1, 2010 at 12:36 am #

    LOL I loved this piece!! so entertaining and you know what I would buy the whore no more shirt LOL Me and my sister,mom and cousin usually call each other this as a joke..because my mother had a very abusive boyfriend and when they got into a fight the only thing he could think of to call her was a whore.It got to the point where we would laugh because it was just ridiculous..so we tried to make a positive out of it..but I don’t really like calling women whores nor do I tolerate men calling me that..but this would be a funny t-shirt to give to my mom because she is no longer with that man(Thank God for that!) and is in a better relationship now so she doesn’t get called a “Whore” anymore.Whore no more!

  3. Kristina P. June 1, 2010 at 1:32 am #

    Jessica would OWN one of those t-shirts. It was nice to meet you at the CBC!

  4. HunDuddle Hussy June 1, 2010 at 3:45 am #

    wow. i hate when people type “lol” but honestly, this literally made me laugh out loud.

    fun meeting you and yes, i agree, that jessica bern is frickin HILARIOUS. i’m on my way to stalk the crap outta her.

    peace out sista.

  5. Richelle June 1, 2010 at 10:45 pm #

    You know I would rock a “Team Jaime Kay” shirt!!!

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