But don’t worry…
Hope to see you there. 🙂
I’ve been working on the follow-up of my memoir, “By the Way” for over a year now and had decided a long time ago that the ending of the book would be the results of last night’s pageant. After the three day experience, I’ve been reconsidering that decision.
No,my book will not end with the events of last night.
As much as I would like to delve into the experience, it is still too fresh. Emotions are still raw and I want to account the events with being able to share a life lesson. I know there are many…but to be honest…I just don’t know what they are yet. And that’s okay. I’ll get there.
I do know the direction of my life and I know I’m on my right path. I know there is something spectacular waiting for me…I can feel it. I KNOW it. That is exciting…
Knowing the best is yet to come.
I have been watching a lot of mindless television on my iPhone via iTunes lately. I watched the entire Bad Girls Season 4 episodes yesterday and now have the overwhelming urge to greet everyone I see as BITCH! and BITCHES! because that is what seems to be the new thing. However, I do not think this would go over very well in church so I may need to evaluate what it is I’m viewing. The upside is I learned a lot of new dance moves and know exactly how to bitch slap a bitch when they spill my drink on me on the dance floor.
There I go again. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
The Husband isn’t exactly fond of my watching such terrible reality TV, on my iPhone no less. The whole point of getting rid of cable and the television out of the living room was to expand our minds to more intelligent brain enhancement. The thing is reality TV is a guilty pleasure of mine. It’s like watching a train wreck. You cringe, you feel nauseous (sometimes you indeed throw up) you shake your head, you may even cry, but YOU HAVE TO WATCH. It’s addictive and O.M.G so freaking therapeutic. (Don’t ask me why. I haven’t gotten that far in my own therapy yet to understand.)
I told The Husband watching BGC is equivalent to reading a parenting book. Watching is actually helping me be a better parent. If anything, I know how to rear our girls in such a way that I’ll never have to worry about them being on such a show like Bad Girls Club.
Great point, right?
I thought so. Until he said, “Yeah, if that fails, at least they’ll know how to BITCH! slap a bitch when they spill their drink on them on the dance floor.”
Yeah, well, that too. Killjoy.
Toddlers and preschoolers—what a delight they can be! It is exciting to watch as they discover and learn, begin to communicate more clearly, and show how capable they are. Delightful, wondrous…and incredibly frustrating.
Ever feel ready to scream? Ever scream?! Isn’t it amazing how much power these little guys have over our emotions—intense love, delight and wonder; intense anger, frustration, and anxiety. Most of us experience really challenging times somewhere in the toddler and preschooler years–I found my eldest to be a joy until she turned 3. I remember it well—her baby sister had been born and preschool had begun…and our cat (!!) started to suffer the consequences. My daughter’s behavior toward our cat—and toward me—totally caught me off guard, leaving me in tears as I begged the preschool teachers for help. When would my previously joyful child be back?
Children tantrum because it is their job. What are they “saying” when they act out and eventually lose it? That they are frustrated, scared, angry—and they do not have the skills yet to express these big feelings in ways we consider appropriate. What pushes them to this extreme? Often it is a lack of independence or control over their lives. What do they need more of at this age? Opportunities to show how capable, competent, and in control they can be. Take a moment and think about how you offer your children ways to demonstrate their capable, independent selves. Now, in what ways can you increase these opportunities? When do you feel the best about how they demonstrate their growing independence? These are important questions to think about.
Tantrums are going to happen. Lessening their frequency and duration is entirely possible. And it is all about you, not your child. Think about a time your child freaked out and you actually felt okay about it—you felt calm and confident and did not react. When my girls were little it was easiest for me when I knew the limit I imposed was absolute—“The street is for cars. You may play in the yard.” “Books are for reading; if you need to bite something, I can get you a chew toy.” When my daughters chose to try to play in the street or chew on a book, it was easy for me to stop them—and easy for them to get really mad at me. I felt fine at these times as they threw their fit because of the clarity I had over the situation. I felt calm and I stayed consistent in how I responded.
And this is the key—being calm and consistent. Calm in your approach (no matter how you’re really feeling), and consistent with your response to their choices. In doing so, you become a positive influence for your children, they can count on you to not lose it, and they know that what you say is what you mean. They trust you.
Let’s start with being calm—aside from taking care of your self, getting the sleep and time you need in order to be your best as a parent, what can you do? I have found the most effective tool is to pause. Pause before you react to the moment. Pause and take a second to think, “What do I want most out of this situation? How do I want to act in order to achieve it?” Pause, and then act based on what you want the most, rather than react to the emotions or circumstance of the moment. Everyone finds different ways to pause—deep breaths, closing eyes, walking away are just a few. Some parents have found positioning themselves next to their child creates a pause. By taking this moment it can be surprising how differently experiences can turn out. Find a way to pause the next time your child loses control—or does anything that leaves you feeling reactive—and notice what is different as a result.
Consistency is the other key ingredient. In honor of your child becoming an independent soul, always give them choices, and consistently honor their choice. For instance, if it’s time to load up in the car, they can choose between climbing in all by them selves, or be lifted in. If it’s time to clean up toys, they can choose to pick up the balls or the blocks. Usually in these moments children do well, for they’ve been given two or three doable choices. When things deteriorate is when they choose to not do what has been asked. And, yes, that is a valid choice—to ignore you. Being consistent now means to accept that choice as valid, and follow through with whatever consequence is the result—blocks and balls put away and are unavailable the rest of the day; being loaded into the car by the parent; being removed from a fun experience—whatever you deem as an appropriate response to their choice.
Consistency does not include cajoling, begging, demanding—it is about offering choices, letting your child choose, and being ready to respond appropriately to their choice—the first time. And this is important—asking your child to do something over and over leaves you feeling frustrated and angry as they continue to choose to ignore you. But how do they know to respond? For all they know, you’d keep asking all night long. When you respond the first time you become a credible influence—someone they can count on. And as they grow to trust your consistency, their need to react inappropriately lessens—they have a sense of control over them selves via the calm and consistent approach you provide.
What can you do today to pause and be calm and consistent with your child? What works best for you to pause? How does it feel to not scream?
Alice Hanscam, is a PCI Certified Parent Coach®, Certified ScreamFree Trainer, and owner of Denali Parent Coaching, LLC. Contact her at 907-868-6933, firstname.lastname@example.org, or visit her at www.denaliparentcoaching.com
If you’re like me a camping trip isn’t nearly as fun unless you have movies to watch on your laptop,iPad, iPod, iTouch, dvd/tv combo (you pick electronic device.)
Or maybe you are just looking for a good movie to watch whilst your kids are running in and out of the house and you need to escape for a couple of hours. Hypothetically speaking of course.
I read the book a few years ago, not once, but three times and absolutely loved it. I was excited to see it made into a movie, but apprehensive at the same time. I’m always leery about books being made into movies, mainly when it doesn’t seem to follow the book at all and you can’t enjoy the movie because you’re all, “THAT’S NOT HOW IT WENT!” and people begin to shush you and throw popcorn at your head.
This wasn’t the case with the Time Traveler’s Wife. The movie was wonderful and I was so caught up in the movie, I forgot to analyze the differences with the movie and book. If you’re looking for a good chick flick with high emotion and a little bit of love (okay…lots and lots of love) then I highly recommend the Time Traveler’s Wife. (The book and the movie.)
If you are a lover of the Confession of a Shopaholic Series by Sophie Kinsella and was super-stoked about the movie version, then I suggest highly to save your money and read another book. The movie BOMBED in comparison to the movie. Of course, people who haven’t read the books seem to love the movie. It’s a light, fluff of a movie with a little comedy thrown in. “Rebecca Bloomwood can’t seem to break her habit for making impulsive purchases, and while she’s always decked out in the latest styles, her credit card bills are as thick as a telephone book.” Add a love interest in the mix and you have a cute love story with comedy.
There is something about summer that makes me just want to sit and camp out in front of the tube and watch romantic comedies. Maybe because I met my husband in the summer…summer is a great season for love, wouldn’t you agree?
Must Love Dogs is a very enjoyable movie, the plot is predictable and it isn’t a thought-provoking movie. It is just easy. This is a good movie to watch with girlfriends and share a few laughs. (There are some really funny one-liners in this movie.) Guys, this is a chick flick you can watch without it being painful. (Although The Husband has yet to watch it with me. But whatever.)
I absolutely LOVE Toy Story. When my oldest son was two this was his all time favorite. He loved Woody and had his very own Woody doll. Being a young parent, my husband thought it was a riot everytime our son would say, “I want to play with my Woody.” He’d even direct our son to say it in front of my husband’s (also very immature )friends. And they’d laugh. I’d get mad because HELLO, we’re supposed to be parents here. But I digress…
This is a great family movie and if you are excited about the 3D version of Toy Story 3 coming out this summer…then plan a family movie night and watch Toy Story 1 and 2! 🙂
I’ve watched this movie twice as there is so much detail you feel as if you may have missed something. It is one of those flicks that you may want to watch twice (or three times) just to get everything. This is a powerful and exciting movie which will have you on the edge of your seat all the way through it. I highly recommend it-if you like action-packed thrillers. NOT for kids or the tender-hearted.
I actually only saw this movie for the first time a couple of years ago. I’m not a huge Brad Pitt fan…but this is a great movie in a dark and twisted kind of way. The first time I saw it my brain hurt from all the twists and turns this movie has. Edward Norton is wonderful in this movie and so is Meat Loaf. Yes, Meat Loaf is in this movie, so that right there gives this movie a MUST WATCH rating.
Fun Favorites I’ve seen more than ten times: